Are You A Workplace Bully? Here Are Four Tell-Tale Signs
Bullying doesn’t just happen in schools — nearly one-third of adult Americans (30%) said they directly experienced abusive conduct at work, according to the Workplace Bullying Institute.
The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) reports that nearly two million U.S. workers face workplace violence each year, leading to over $20 billion in costs from lawsuits, turnover, and lost productivity, Bryan Robinson, Ph.D. and author of Chained to the Desk in a Hybrid World: A Guide to Balance, writes in Forbes.
Signs You Might Be a Workplace Bully
Jocelyn Tan, workplace bullying expert and CEO of Sisu VR, which offers virtual reality workplace harassment training, offers insight on recognizing unintentional bullying behavior. Having faced workplace harassment herself, Tan emphasizes that many bullies are unaware of the harm they cause. She points to four signs you might be a workplace bully without realizing it:
Colleagues Avoid You: If colleagues go out of their way to avoid conversations, frequently choose not to engage with you directly, or transfer to other teams, consider why they may feel uncomfortable around you.
Feedback on Communication Style: Has your manager asked you to adjust your tone or behavior? Repeated feedback about how your communication affects others could indicate a problem.
Defensiveness to Feedback: If you find yourself dismissing colleagues’ concerns or thinking they need to “toughen up,” this could be a red flag.
Immersive Empathy Training: Try experiencing workplace bullying situations from a victim’s perspective through role-play or VR training. It may reveal similarities with your own behavior that you hadn’t considered.
Taking Accountability with a Thoughtful Apology
Tan advises that acknowledging harmful behavior is crucial. “If you’re unaware of it, you can’t correct it,” she says. For a meaningful apology, Tan recommends the following formula:
Describe the Incident: “During the meeting, I made a joke about your appearance.”
Express Genuine Regret: “I now see that my words hurt you, and I am truly sorry.”
Commit to Change: “I won’t make similar comments again.”
Avoid Defensiveness: Statements like “It was just a joke” minimize your colleague’s experience and dilute your apology.
How to Sustain Positive Change
Once you’ve apologized, commit to ongoing improvements. Tan suggests these actions to maintain momentum:
Seek Regular Feedback: Check in with coworkers and be open to honest conversations.
Assess Your Communication Style: Tools like the Clifton Strengths Assessment or Myers-Briggs can offer insights into areas for growth.
Engage in Empathy Training: Use immersive scenarios to understand the experiences of others and develop better responses.
Remember the Golden Rule: Treat others as you want to be treated.
Align with Company Values: Reflect on how your actions fit with your organization’s mission and values.
Steps to Take If You’ve Been Bullied
For those experiencing bullying, Tan encourages proactive steps, especially in companies with speak-up cultures. Employees should document incidents with dates and details, which can help identify patterns of misconduct. If you feel comfortable, consider addressing the behavior directly using a reversed apology approach:
Describe the Behavior: Explain what happened and how it affected you.
Use “I” Statements: Assertively express your feelings.
Suggest Positive Change: Recommend ways the individual can act differently in the future.
Tan emphasizes that self-reflection is essential for identifying bullying, especially in fast-paced environments where personal discomfort is often overlooked. Regular check-ins with yourself can help prevent issues from escalating into pervasive patterns of misconduct.
Are You The Victim of Workplace Bullying? Get A Free Case Review Today.
If you have experienced workplace bullying or toxic behavior that’s impacted your job or well-being, don’t let the perpetrator get away with it. LegalAlly.com’s Employment Law division, led by attorney Jessica A. Rounds, offers compassionate, strategic representation for employees facing harassment, retaliation, or other workplace abuses. With a strong track record in employment litigation and a deep understanding of workers’ rights, Jessica is here to help you understand your legal options.
Contact Jessica today for a free, confidential case review.